*smile*

&& by the way; i'm wearing the smile you gave me.
no more confusion. at all. just a whole lot of waiting. which i can do. it won't be easy, but it will be done. respect. one of the core values. definiteily comes into play here. i will wait until whenever i need to...which right now is 81 days. and counting. he says the sweetest things all the time. tells me that i have an amazing smile and that im intoxicating. we're going to establish a relationship now so that when 81 days comes around, we have a solid start. thats all for now... :)

*sigh of relief*

Finally, the confusion is so much less. So he has a girlfriend which is relatively new information but that's okay. because there some time between now and when it could be a possibility. I don't hope that they break up unless he wants to because he should be happy. I do know that my feelings are not QUITE alone. which makes me feel better. i know the feeling of having something and kinda wanting something else. it's rough. i guess we'll just sit and wait and see where we're at when we can be. Until then, ha. it'll just be fun like it has been :). Life has been pretty good. had my knee surgery.. it hurts like a bitch. waiting to get my prescription refilled but the pharmacy keeps being closed! argh. anywho. i'm tired. haven't been sleeping much or very well when i have slept. secret nap.

uhh...

I'm a bit baffled now. For the most part we haven't talked all week. I haven't been at lunch due to different excusals and I haven't had math homework. I miss it and now whenever i ask questions, i get one or two word answers instead of the fun ones that i used to get. It's weird. I'm thinking that maybe he found out from someone or just assumes and now he thinks it's weird. I don't know. i hope that i have math homework soon that i will need help on. maybe i can figure something out from that. anyways, i'm going to west point today. which means that i need to pack and whatnot. good times. later.

mmmmm.

eyes really do sparkle and twinkle. I could see it yesterday evening in his eyes. laughing and smiling are probably the things i love most and i'm pretty sure i share that with at least one other person. GOD, 110 days to go and it seems like FOREVER and a day. i remember when we were in the two hundreds & that doesn't seem like so long ago... so i know it'll go by somewhat fast... but i just feel as if these last, 30 or so have been DRAGGING by. i really hope that he never reads this... because it would be extremely embarassing, especially if he doesn't like me like that... ha. oh well. i have to touch up a history paper... more on this later.

:)

I am such a good daughter. I ordered my mommy 18 long stemmed roses of various colors; just because. I miss her. I haven't seen her in 3 weeks because either she has been somewhere on the weekend, or I have been somewhere on the weekend. It's crazy. My mommy is my best friend. Our class did an awesome spirit mission last night. Today is 111th day. There are 111 days to go until graduation and our class is the class of 2011 so we're celebrating! The spirit mission committee went and took down all of the state flags in the wardroom and hung up plain white flags that say "2011" on them. It looks so classy. All of the upperclass at breakfast were really impressed. That's pretty much a guarentee of wardroom carry-on at lunch :). Then tonight there is "111th night" which is where our class meets with a bunch of members of the class of 1961, our 50 year sponsor class, and also with a lot of important people from command. I'll be on duty but it should be fun. so my endeavors may be worth it... at lunch the other day i got a fortune cookie that said "your current plans will succeed" good to know if you ask me. I hope it's right! Either way, only 111 more days! how great is that!? anywho... colors in a lil bit... buh bye :)

ummmm...

ummm, math sucks. but being bad at it doesn't. I went to Navy this weekend with pistol. good times were had by all.. i shot alright but more than that, it was hysterical in the vans. On the way back, Alex was driving and he reallllly had to pee. we had quite the adventure with that one which ended in him pulling off the highway at an exit instead of waiting 5 more miles for the rest stop, finding a mcdonalds across the street, waiting at a red light for it to turn, beginning to pee in a cup and then realizing that the light turned green. He made it to the McDonalds but that was definitely a good time. Then, we were on 95 in Connecticut and we were just driving along and the back windsheild just BLEW OUT. it shattered. everywhere. spontaneously. it was pretty sweet. So we all piled into the big van except hayla and mike and drove back that way. Nick had a quick scare but that was all better by the time we got home. Now i'm just laughing to myself over recent events. still a bit baffled, becoming a little clearer day by day i think. 114... anywhos. i'm out to study clocks, shower and get some sleep. whispering more later.

eh?

okay. so i don't know how to describe how i'm feeling. It's a mix of confusion and anticipations and happiness and nervousness... I don't know. you see; i like this guy.. and i don't know if he likes me.. but it seems like he does... but i can't do anything about it right now ANYWAY. so it's all a big confusing scheme... i really hope that i'm not taking all of this the wrong way and that he really does like me.. ahhhh... i'm trying to stop thinking about it but i just can't... 119. the whispers of my sanity are becoming quieter and quieter.